A wish.

Sometimes I wish so hard it feels like my entire being will absolutely turn inside out. Like I would become a rubbery blob covered in organs and veins, held in by a network of bones and the whole thing would be surrounded by this electric blue aura which is how I picture all our nerve impulses and thoughts and really our very beings... maybe our souls.

Today I wished, like I do sometimes, that I, and everyone else, could have one chance to stop time. One opportunity to say "PAUSE!" and everything on earth would freeze. And I would walk out the door and explore the entire world. I'd ride bikes, walk, sail... rest when I got tired, eat when I got hungry. I'd swim in carnivore infested waters and walk through jungles without fear. Can you imagine how quiet it would be? The only sound would be the wind or rain, the trickle of creeks, roar of oceans, rustling palm fronds- I could experience everything without anyone bothering me. No one saying "hurry up".. no one saying "you can't come in here", no expense. And when I felt lonely enough, and like I had seen enough, I would proclaim "RESUME!" and all would.

Well...crap.

So I thought my best friend wouldn't be able to come for my wedding, so I asked another friend to be maid-of-honor. Then school ended and we didn't really talk anymore. Later, I found out my best friend could make it and I asked her if she would be maid-of-honor. But today, my other friend texted me and I asked if she was still gonna come to my wedding and she was like, "yeah, I'm the maid-of-honor, right?" And I was like... "oh, yeah...about that...," and proceeded to explain what happened. I guess she got pretty upset because she wouldn't reply to me anymore no matter how many times I tried to apologize and explain why I asked two people (in addition to me just being an idiot). I can't help but feel like I would be more understanding for someone else in the same situation. Then of course, I'm perfect while other people SUCK.


I'm really tempted to either:
a) Let them all compete in a back-alley death match.
b) Have only bridesmaids so my easily offended friends will all feel equally slighted.
c) Have no attendants at all.
d) Cancel the whole wedding and run away to Finland.

oh me...

The ant died in Virginia.

I was listening to one of my favorite old tunes today and I started thinking- of all the American time periods i would like to relive in modern times, the depression is quite low on that list. Generally just not a real fun time for anyone. Lower on the list would be the Civil war, and the first ice age. I'm no economist, but it feels like we are teetering on the brink of bottom-falling-out disaster. It's not so bad to be without money and to love things in life that aren't made of plastic and glass- it's just so hard when you are taught to save your whole life, but a tank of gas takes up half your paycheck. When necessities are affordable but depressingly so.... well, it blows.

Just around the corner,
There's a rainbow in the sky,
So let's have another cup of coffee,
And let's have another piece of pie.

Trouble's like a bubble,
And the clouds will soon roll by,
So let's have another cup of coffee,
And let's have another piece of pie.

Let a smile be your umbrella,
For it's just an April shower,
Even John D. Rockefeller
Is looking for the silver lining!

Mr. Herbert Hoover
Says that now's the time to buy,
So let's have another cup of coffee,
And let's have another piece of pie!