This morning I was having the most delightful dream. I was in a bar with Danny Masterson and we were talking to a woman who was recounting her former life as a meth head and how she was saved from that fate. Cut to me being released from a psych ward. (?) It is a grey, rainy day. I am escorted to a car by an older woman. A child walks next to me and we look at water drops on flowers and enjoy the misty breeze on our faces. Then for some reason we are at a school. (I often dream about schools) We are walking outside the buildings and it is between classes so there are children everywhere and it is very crowded. I am constantly bumping into them, but their images are all blurry, and the roar of their voices is very muted. All I can hear is quiet piano music and all I can see is the red brick and concrete architecture of the old school buildings.
Cut to me and the escort woman in a room. There is an entire wall of windows and they look out onto a rocky bay with waves crashing. I ask her why she can't just leave me alone and she asks if I am happy. I begin to try to explain my feelings. The perfect description begins to weave together- with the most perfect words and metaphors.........
And I wake up. And I try to write some of the monologue down before I forget it. But the dog is scratching at the door so I take him out. He pees and then proceeds to run around to a few regular spots he runs to where there is usually a lizard and generally act dumb and distracted. I then realize that I should have gone to the bathroom before I took him because I am about to wet myself. So I leave him on the screen porch and run to the bathroom. NO LONGER than ONE minute later, I return to take him back out and he has pooped ALL OVER the rug out there. I scold him righteously and put him outside.
I then walk into the kitchen for some coffee. When I get to the kitchen, I smell poo. I check my shoes.. clean. Must just be imagining it. I pour some coffee into a mug and see a brown smudge on my arm. *sniff* *gag* *barf, die, etc* Somehow poo got on my arm. So I washed it like a surgeon washes before surgery and then changed my clothes all the while cursing the entire canine race.
This is why I hate to get up in the morning. You leave the world of peace and rain and surreal vignettes only to be pooped on.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Jolty
So many people with cats may have noticed that their cat likes to hurt them. Whether it's kneading your lap with claws, or the doleful cries they utter whenever you enter the kitchen. "Please sir, can I have some more?"
Our cat likes to hurt us in those ways, but she also bites us on occasion. Really, really hard. She also doesn't make nice, clean jumps onto surfaces like most cat's do. Instead, she gathers her nerve for about 10 minutes, does 3 or 4 false jumps, then finally, performs a semi-decent leap. If the surface is soft at all- like a bed or the couch, she will usually jump half-heartedly and then use her front claws to help pull her up. These soft surfaces include human skin. She will choose skin over any other "jumping aid".
Our bed is very high. Because of this, she always has to dig in and pull herself onto it. However, even though there is a lot of bed that isn't being occupied by people, she won't jump in those places. She always goes for our heads. I usually hear her come in in the morning and I move my head way back from the edge of the bed for just this reason. This morning, I didn't hear her come in and my bottom lip and chin were used as her pull-up.
Last week, she slept on my pillow, behind my head all night. Real nice and cute until I woke partly up at 4am and stretched my arm back and was firmly chomped upon.
Every day she tortures me by wanting to get into my lap. First she'll come to one side of my chair. I can usually hear her come because she kind of wheezes. She stares at me a while, meows a few times. I scoot over, pat my lap and tell her to come on. She does a few false jumps and then goes under my chair. I disregard. Suddenly, she is on the other side of my chair, digging into my leg trying to pull herself up. She will do this all day. Sometimes, she will sleep a few minutes in my lap then jump down, only to return mere seconds later and start the whole thing over again.
She also has some sort of mind-reading device that tells her when I am just about to get up from my chair to do something else. For some reason, that is unacceptable to her (or she's just mean). She will run in, jump in my lap, curl up into a little cat loaf, look up at me and purr.
Our cat likes to hurt us in those ways, but she also bites us on occasion. Really, really hard. She also doesn't make nice, clean jumps onto surfaces like most cat's do. Instead, she gathers her nerve for about 10 minutes, does 3 or 4 false jumps, then finally, performs a semi-decent leap. If the surface is soft at all- like a bed or the couch, she will usually jump half-heartedly and then use her front claws to help pull her up. These soft surfaces include human skin. She will choose skin over any other "jumping aid".
Our bed is very high. Because of this, she always has to dig in and pull herself onto it. However, even though there is a lot of bed that isn't being occupied by people, she won't jump in those places. She always goes for our heads. I usually hear her come in in the morning and I move my head way back from the edge of the bed for just this reason. This morning, I didn't hear her come in and my bottom lip and chin were used as her pull-up.
Last week, she slept on my pillow, behind my head all night. Real nice and cute until I woke partly up at 4am and stretched my arm back and was firmly chomped upon.
Every day she tortures me by wanting to get into my lap. First she'll come to one side of my chair. I can usually hear her come because she kind of wheezes. She stares at me a while, meows a few times. I scoot over, pat my lap and tell her to come on. She does a few false jumps and then goes under my chair. I disregard. Suddenly, she is on the other side of my chair, digging into my leg trying to pull herself up. She will do this all day. Sometimes, she will sleep a few minutes in my lap then jump down, only to return mere seconds later and start the whole thing over again.
She also has some sort of mind-reading device that tells her when I am just about to get up from my chair to do something else. For some reason, that is unacceptable to her (or she's just mean). She will run in, jump in my lap, curl up into a little cat loaf, look up at me and purr.
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Sugar Rage
As you may be aware, a "new year" recently began. With this event, many people decided to take a look in the mirror with extra critical eyes and decide that there was simply too much of them. To put it frankly- that they are too fat.
Of course, if you were to stop and ask most women if they think they are too fat, aside from slapping and scratching you, even the thinnest will say something like "well, I could stand to loose a few inches here or there". However, this is just a thing- and it isn't until they step on the bathroom scale one day or go in for a physical and realize that they have reached numbers they hoped didn't even exist that something really serious kicks in.
I often make fun of people who make new years resolutions. Why do people feel this need to continue their bad habits, or put of forming good ones until a certain set date? You know it's wrong/right, just stop/start doing it right now! However, the diet thing I can understand. I mean what better time to try to alter a lifetime of poor eating habits than the season of bountiful deliciousness! That is just a set-up for failure if there ever was one. Instead, have one last hurrah, and five more days to eat up the leftover 7-layer brownies before the cut-off date.
Of course, it can still be done and you would feel so much stronger for getting through it. I started my abstinence a day or two after Christmas (it was just an organic decision, it didn't even occur to me to wait until New Years). I packed up all the left-over sweets (there were A LOT) and stashed them in the fridge so I could send them to work with Gordon when he went back.
Anyways, I seem to be long-winded today. I haven't even gotten to the subject of this post. When I logged into facebook this morning, I saw several posts about weight loss goals, new diets, and even some "before" pictures of people's butts. I always love a good fat butt picture with my morning joe. But I digress. I read a comment made by a friend of mine who said he/she had been following the South Beach diet and it was working for him/her. I've not paid much attention to the South beach diet because it has always been labeled a fad diet, but he/she mentioned that it was developed by a diabetic. I was intrigued by this and went to research.
I landed on the official website and began reading the foods allowed and not. It all looked pretty good, until I got to the part about sweets. I wanted to reach through my computer and punch the website. But I restrained, since that only would have hurt me. It allows sweets, but only if they contain one of a long list of fake sugars, or "sugar substitutes" if you will. Then, at the end of the list, it mentioned stevia- but with a note about it not being approved by the FDA!
Anyone with a television has seen the recent wave of commercials regarding recalled pharmaceuticals, drugs with adverse side effects that were not fully tested, etc etc. Any one of those should be enough to convince you to not trust the FDA about the safety of a product. They are driven by money and nothing more. Whoever has the highest bid, their product receives the stamp of approval. And as long as they can keep the money coming in (ie, keep people addicted), they can afford to hide or discredit any negative information about their own product and terrorize the competition.
Non-nutritive sweeteners are.... well just read this website.
Fake Sugar
It's short, sweet and to the point. (Haha- sweet.) Normally, I wouldn't believe all information on a site that claims: "We've done all the work for you and have put together an easy, informative guide to all the artificial sweeteners on the market." But after all the research I've done, this is right on the money about everything. Please read it if you value your health.
I only have one real-life example of demon sugar at work. Several years ago, my grandmother started consuming diet sodas and generally eating things labeled "sugar-free". In time, we began to notice that she had trouble finishing sentences. Her word recall was suffering greatly. There were other effects, but that was the most noticeable. She was advised to stop consuming these artificial sweeteners. She did, and her word recall was restored, but it never was quite back to normal.
The part about Sweet'n'Low alone should be enough to get you thinking. It was nearly banned, but the public wanted their sweet without the fat. Then read the list of documented effects of aspartame and decide if that is really something you want to start eating regularly.
On down to Stevia- "NO ADVERSE REACTIONS have been described...the FDA has been unwilling to approve the use of Stevia as a sweetener in the United States."
And lastly down to xylitol- "received official endorsements from six national dental associations and certain studies show xylitol helpful in the prevention of childhood ear infections." It doesn't contribute to cavities and is recommended for diabetics. The only con is it may cause gas. What a terrible affliction- I, for one, would much rather have bladder cancer.
My advice, research every nitty-gritty, hard-to-pronounce, unnatural or otherwise ingredient or food that you put in your mouth because the government may not be out to get you, but they certainly aren't out to protect you.
One last note- if you are really concerned about your health/weight regarding sugar, how about just have a peach or banana, you can even drizzle it with tupelo honey if you must. Maintaining your body is about self-control and hard-work. If it seems too easy, then it is. Fake sugar is not the way to improve yourself. You don't need sweets every day! You can do it!
Of course, if you were to stop and ask most women if they think they are too fat, aside from slapping and scratching you, even the thinnest will say something like "well, I could stand to loose a few inches here or there". However, this is just a thing- and it isn't until they step on the bathroom scale one day or go in for a physical and realize that they have reached numbers they hoped didn't even exist that something really serious kicks in.
I often make fun of people who make new years resolutions. Why do people feel this need to continue their bad habits, or put of forming good ones until a certain set date? You know it's wrong/right, just stop/start doing it right now! However, the diet thing I can understand. I mean what better time to try to alter a lifetime of poor eating habits than the season of bountiful deliciousness! That is just a set-up for failure if there ever was one. Instead, have one last hurrah, and five more days to eat up the leftover 7-layer brownies before the cut-off date.
Of course, it can still be done and you would feel so much stronger for getting through it. I started my abstinence a day or two after Christmas (it was just an organic decision, it didn't even occur to me to wait until New Years). I packed up all the left-over sweets (there were A LOT) and stashed them in the fridge so I could send them to work with Gordon when he went back.
Anyways, I seem to be long-winded today. I haven't even gotten to the subject of this post. When I logged into facebook this morning, I saw several posts about weight loss goals, new diets, and even some "before" pictures of people's butts. I always love a good fat butt picture with my morning joe. But I digress. I read a comment made by a friend of mine who said he/she had been following the South Beach diet and it was working for him/her. I've not paid much attention to the South beach diet because it has always been labeled a fad diet, but he/she mentioned that it was developed by a diabetic. I was intrigued by this and went to research.
I landed on the official website and began reading the foods allowed and not. It all looked pretty good, until I got to the part about sweets. I wanted to reach through my computer and punch the website. But I restrained, since that only would have hurt me. It allows sweets, but only if they contain one of a long list of fake sugars, or "sugar substitutes" if you will. Then, at the end of the list, it mentioned stevia- but with a note about it not being approved by the FDA!
Anyone with a television has seen the recent wave of commercials regarding recalled pharmaceuticals, drugs with adverse side effects that were not fully tested, etc etc. Any one of those should be enough to convince you to not trust the FDA about the safety of a product. They are driven by money and nothing more. Whoever has the highest bid, their product receives the stamp of approval. And as long as they can keep the money coming in (ie, keep people addicted), they can afford to hide or discredit any negative information about their own product and terrorize the competition.
Non-nutritive sweeteners are.... well just read this website.
Fake Sugar
It's short, sweet and to the point. (Haha- sweet.) Normally, I wouldn't believe all information on a site that claims: "We've done all the work for you and have put together an easy, informative guide to all the artificial sweeteners on the market." But after all the research I've done, this is right on the money about everything. Please read it if you value your health. I only have one real-life example of demon sugar at work. Several years ago, my grandmother started consuming diet sodas and generally eating things labeled "sugar-free". In time, we began to notice that she had trouble finishing sentences. Her word recall was suffering greatly. There were other effects, but that was the most noticeable. She was advised to stop consuming these artificial sweeteners. She did, and her word recall was restored, but it never was quite back to normal.
The part about Sweet'n'Low alone should be enough to get you thinking. It was nearly banned, but the public wanted their sweet without the fat. Then read the list of documented effects of aspartame and decide if that is really something you want to start eating regularly.
On down to Stevia- "NO ADVERSE REACTIONS have been described...the FDA has been unwilling to approve the use of Stevia as a sweetener in the United States."
And lastly down to xylitol- "received official endorsements from six national dental associations and certain studies show xylitol helpful in the prevention of childhood ear infections." It doesn't contribute to cavities and is recommended for diabetics. The only con is it may cause gas. What a terrible affliction- I, for one, would much rather have bladder cancer.
My advice, research every nitty-gritty, hard-to-pronounce, unnatural or otherwise ingredient or food that you put in your mouth because the government may not be out to get you, but they certainly aren't out to protect you.
One last note- if you are really concerned about your health/weight regarding sugar, how about just have a peach or banana, you can even drizzle it with tupelo honey if you must. Maintaining your body is about self-control and hard-work. If it seems too easy, then it is. Fake sugar is not the way to improve yourself. You don't need sweets every day! You can do it!
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
That whole crazy food thing
This past Christmas season was a tornado of chocolate, milkshakes, cake, brownies, chocolate coated peanut butter balls, fudge and many other sugar-saturated sweets. I ate with abandon. With gusto. With glee. And then the effects started to kick in. My body used up the last of it's emergency store of actual nutrients and all hell broke loose as enemy ranks broke through the immunity fortress.
Anyways- I stopped posting what I eat because I forgot, and also because the daily food list would have shamed me and my family. Here's a sample:
- 2 Peanut butter balls
- Frisco melt and fries, cherry coke and turtle chocolate milkshake
- Banana bread
- Copious amounts of coffee with mint-chocolate-truffle cream
It wasn't pretty.
So I went on my detox diet which prohibits sugar in any form, starches in any form (including carrots and sweet potatoes), beans, caffeine, most fruits, most dairy, vinegar, anything with yeasts such as bread and beer and wine (this also includes a vast amount of broths, soups and other products one might not suspect), overly processed meats like bologna, any fungus or fungus containing foods (mushrooms, peanuts, pistachios, melons), and most grains.
I've also added several vitamin supplements, a daily dish of goats milk yogurt, and I drink a variety of herbal teas throughout the day, including a Chinese detox tea at bedtime.
I started cheating on the no caffeine three days in- I couldn't stand the headaches. So I have a small cup of coffee in the morning and some green tea.
I have gone on this diet before, but I was still living at home and it wasn't easy to stick to as I wasn't really buying my own groceries at the time. My parents subsist mainly on canned vegetables (mostly peas and corn, both not allowed), mashed potatoes (also not allowed), breads (again), and small amounts of meat.
This time, I have done really well. It's been over a week now and I've barely cheated. I've even lost 6 pounds. I used to have heartburn and indigestion almost every day but I haven't experienced any this past week.
In another week I'll add beans, starchy vegetables, a limited selection of fruits, and a limited selection of grains such as brown rice, oats and millet back into the diet. I'll also add limited quantities of cream and cheese, but I will stick to almond or rice milk. Chocolate almond milk is really good, by the way!
I've also been phasing out any foods raised/grown with toxic pesticides, antibiotics and hormones which can be especially detrimental to women's health. We are delicate flowers after all.
All this to say, I feel better each day, I've been concocting some of the most delicious meals, and I'm one less person/household supporting the corporate food machine. I highly recommend it and I want to share it with the world.
Anyways- I stopped posting what I eat because I forgot, and also because the daily food list would have shamed me and my family. Here's a sample:
- 2 Peanut butter balls
- Frisco melt and fries, cherry coke and turtle chocolate milkshake
- Banana bread
- Copious amounts of coffee with mint-chocolate-truffle cream
It wasn't pretty.
So I went on my detox diet which prohibits sugar in any form, starches in any form (including carrots and sweet potatoes), beans, caffeine, most fruits, most dairy, vinegar, anything with yeasts such as bread and beer and wine (this also includes a vast amount of broths, soups and other products one might not suspect), overly processed meats like bologna, any fungus or fungus containing foods (mushrooms, peanuts, pistachios, melons), and most grains.
I've also added several vitamin supplements, a daily dish of goats milk yogurt, and I drink a variety of herbal teas throughout the day, including a Chinese detox tea at bedtime.
I started cheating on the no caffeine three days in- I couldn't stand the headaches. So I have a small cup of coffee in the morning and some green tea.
I have gone on this diet before, but I was still living at home and it wasn't easy to stick to as I wasn't really buying my own groceries at the time. My parents subsist mainly on canned vegetables (mostly peas and corn, both not allowed), mashed potatoes (also not allowed), breads (again), and small amounts of meat.
This time, I have done really well. It's been over a week now and I've barely cheated. I've even lost 6 pounds. I used to have heartburn and indigestion almost every day but I haven't experienced any this past week.
In another week I'll add beans, starchy vegetables, a limited selection of fruits, and a limited selection of grains such as brown rice, oats and millet back into the diet. I'll also add limited quantities of cream and cheese, but I will stick to almond or rice milk. Chocolate almond milk is really good, by the way!
I've also been phasing out any foods raised/grown with toxic pesticides, antibiotics and hormones which can be especially detrimental to women's health. We are delicate flowers after all.
All this to say, I feel better each day, I've been concocting some of the most delicious meals, and I'm one less person/household supporting the corporate food machine. I highly recommend it and I want to share it with the world.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Combustion
Today the cat caught on fire.
It all happened in an instant. I remember it in freeze frame: Me, yelling and reaching for the cat who had positioned herself directly above a lit candle. Her, face changing from contented interest to terror. Gordon, lunging across the room, papers flying.
It was a whirlwind. Her fur ignited with a hissing sound and the blue flame quickly spread. For an instant I imagined the fire would engulf her and I prepared to rip my shirt off to beat the blaze with it. But as quickly as she was lit, she spontaneously extinguished. In the same instant, Gordon's hand connected with her and either by his force or of her own will, she crashed across my desk and out of the room.
I examined her while Gordon got the air-freshener spray. The smell was extraordinary.
Other than a hand-sized patch of singed fur, she appeared completely unharmed. I observed her for a while, then brushed out her fur to which she had no objections.
She is back to her usual antics- batting all the ornaments off the bottom of the tree and tearing into her new bag of cat food.
Sometimes when I think back on it, I laugh a little; but I think that's just the insanity.
It all happened in an instant. I remember it in freeze frame: Me, yelling and reaching for the cat who had positioned herself directly above a lit candle. Her, face changing from contented interest to terror. Gordon, lunging across the room, papers flying.
It was a whirlwind. Her fur ignited with a hissing sound and the blue flame quickly spread. For an instant I imagined the fire would engulf her and I prepared to rip my shirt off to beat the blaze with it. But as quickly as she was lit, she spontaneously extinguished. In the same instant, Gordon's hand connected with her and either by his force or of her own will, she crashed across my desk and out of the room.
I examined her while Gordon got the air-freshener spray. The smell was extraordinary.
Other than a hand-sized patch of singed fur, she appeared completely unharmed. I observed her for a while, then brushed out her fur to which she had no objections.
She is back to her usual antics- batting all the ornaments off the bottom of the tree and tearing into her new bag of cat food.
Sometimes when I think back on it, I laugh a little; but I think that's just the insanity.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Hair splinters
So this has happened twice now. I have gotten a splinter in my foot or my finger. Sounds normal enough until I tell you what the splinter was.
A hair.
Yes, a hair splinter. Embedded in my skin. They are extraordinarily painful.
The first time this happened it was a dog hair splinter. I stepped into the bathroom in my bare feet and thought I must have stepped on a piece of glass. I looked... and looked but I didn't see anything. With every step it felt like a fresh stab from a needle. Finally I turned on all the lights and examined the foot. I could not believe what I was seeing. There was a dog hair stuck into my skin! I had to pull pretty hard to get it out. Yikes.
That was several weeks ago. I thought it was a freak occurrence. I never expected it to happen again! This morning I hugged Gordon as he left for work. My hand brushed against his shirt and OW! A tiny, TINY beard hair embedded itself into the skin of the first joint of my pinkie finger. I could not believe how much it hurt. Running my finger over the hair caused a sharp, burning, stinging pain. Fortunately it was easy to remove with tweezers.
What the heck?? I did a search for hair stuck in skin and found out it's pretty common for people to get dog hairs stabbed in their feet. I did not find out, however, why it hurts SO MUCH! And how does a hair find its way into the thick skin of a heel or toe?
This is the world we live in.
A hair.
Yes, a hair splinter. Embedded in my skin. They are extraordinarily painful.
The first time this happened it was a dog hair splinter. I stepped into the bathroom in my bare feet and thought I must have stepped on a piece of glass. I looked... and looked but I didn't see anything. With every step it felt like a fresh stab from a needle. Finally I turned on all the lights and examined the foot. I could not believe what I was seeing. There was a dog hair stuck into my skin! I had to pull pretty hard to get it out. Yikes.
That was several weeks ago. I thought it was a freak occurrence. I never expected it to happen again! This morning I hugged Gordon as he left for work. My hand brushed against his shirt and OW! A tiny, TINY beard hair embedded itself into the skin of the first joint of my pinkie finger. I could not believe how much it hurt. Running my finger over the hair caused a sharp, burning, stinging pain. Fortunately it was easy to remove with tweezers.
What the heck?? I did a search for hair stuck in skin and found out it's pretty common for people to get dog hairs stabbed in their feet. I did not find out, however, why it hurts SO MUCH! And how does a hair find its way into the thick skin of a heel or toe?
This is the world we live in.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Bad cat.
I've been trying to toilet train my cat. I bought a "litter kwitter" which consists of a toilet seat shaped tray with several toilet hole shaped inserts. You set a solid tray in first while the cat gets used to pooping up on the toilet. Then you gradually replace the inserts, each with a larger hole in their center. Eventually, the cat is supposed to just go into the toilet and you can then remove the whole contraption.
Yesterday I changed the tray for the first time. This one still holds litter, but has about a 3x5 inch hole in the center. I also had to change the litter from regular clay, to a recycled paper litter (so it would be flushable). Later, I heard a terrible noise coming from the bathroom. I went to investigate and the cat was tearing into the bag of new litter like it was a fresh bag of cat food.
Okay, so I took care of that and went to bed. In the middle of the night I woke up to a loud crash in the bathroom. As I head to the bathroom, the cat tears past me. I looked in the bathroom and there was litter everywhere- but not from the bag, from the tray. The cat came and stood in the doorway. I picked her up to see if she had fallen through the hole. She wasn't wet at all so I set her onto the new litter tray. She struggled against me, and tried to bite my hand. I did it again, holding her there and petting her, showing her she could scratch in the litter. She ran away. I went to bed.
We came home today from being out several hours. I knew something was wrong as soon as we walked in the door. The familiar faint odor of cat pee was not hanging around the hallway bathroom as it usually is.
I went into the kitchen. "Sniff." I smell poop. "Sniff, sniff.." I started investigating...following the stench to- my NEW SHAG RUG!
AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
So it's outside now drying in the sun. The rug, not the cat. I put the first tray back into the litter kwitter and showed it to her. She ran away to the living room, where I sat on the couch and glared at her.
Then I heard from the other room where Gordon is playing Mario, "Louie! Hang on, don't you know I'm fighting the boss?" And I laughed and laughed. Because I'm pretty sure he was serious.
Yesterday I changed the tray for the first time. This one still holds litter, but has about a 3x5 inch hole in the center. I also had to change the litter from regular clay, to a recycled paper litter (so it would be flushable). Later, I heard a terrible noise coming from the bathroom. I went to investigate and the cat was tearing into the bag of new litter like it was a fresh bag of cat food.
Okay, so I took care of that and went to bed. In the middle of the night I woke up to a loud crash in the bathroom. As I head to the bathroom, the cat tears past me. I looked in the bathroom and there was litter everywhere- but not from the bag, from the tray. The cat came and stood in the doorway. I picked her up to see if she had fallen through the hole. She wasn't wet at all so I set her onto the new litter tray. She struggled against me, and tried to bite my hand. I did it again, holding her there and petting her, showing her she could scratch in the litter. She ran away. I went to bed.
We came home today from being out several hours. I knew something was wrong as soon as we walked in the door. The familiar faint odor of cat pee was not hanging around the hallway bathroom as it usually is.
I went into the kitchen. "Sniff." I smell poop. "Sniff, sniff.." I started investigating...following the stench to- my NEW SHAG RUG!
AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
So it's outside now drying in the sun. The rug, not the cat. I put the first tray back into the litter kwitter and showed it to her. She ran away to the living room, where I sat on the couch and glared at her.
Then I heard from the other room where Gordon is playing Mario, "Louie! Hang on, don't you know I'm fighting the boss?" And I laughed and laughed. Because I'm pretty sure he was serious.
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